The Final Day
by Sonanoka21093
Summary: The Impossible Spellcards portion of the Paradise Series. Alternate view of amanojaku within. Just what is the plot of this game? Well, okay, I don't give any complex plot to the game itself, but what is the 'aftermath' of this game? Find out within!
1. Prickly Woman

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun. The only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

Yuuka: My, are you _skipping_ things?

Author: Well, the idea came, and I just _had_ to write it.

Yuuka: Did you not have a similarly interesting idea for... Ohh, what was it called...

Yukari: Phantasmagoria of Dim. Dream.

Yuuka: Such an odd name. But yes, that.

Author: How I wish I could write that, but, while this _is_ effectively my story for the Impossible Spellcards portion of this series, that is too close to being made to skip to.

Yukari: Is that all?

Author: ...Also, this game is still relatively recent, and so it may garner attention to the rest of my stories while I'm getting back in the swing of things.

Yukari: My, you _can_ be devious~

Author: I-I've been devious before!

Yuuka: Things that never happened don't count~

Author: Erk...

Yukari: But seriously, is it wise to do this?

Author: If it turns out poorly, I'll just have to retcon this story. Or, preferably, alter it.

Yukari: Well, at least you aren't quite doing what so many do: you have yet to entirely restart the whole series.

Author: ...Yukari, I've written 600,000 words. Even if it were _characters_ , that would _still_ be too much to just... redo.

Yukari: You _are_ however planning on rewriting your favorite story.

Author: Well, yes. Memoir of the Little Lost Umbrella may be the best one of the lot, but it was a wasted opportunity in many ways.

Yukari: And you intend to fix that.

Author: Quite. But enough talk; let's get on with the show!

* * *

I blearily opened my eyes. Yep. Upside down, still. Why can't I stop sleeping like this? Contrary to what you would think, blood _does_ still rush to your head when you're like that due to my power.

I yawned, rubbing an eye, before my world flipped, as I was accustomed to. I was no longer on the bottom of the tall tree's branch, but instead falling. It seemed like the end, and I embraced my fate as I careened toward to ground.

And, as such, my desire to make myself into a contrary little pate was enough to force my body to land in a crouch.

I hate my stupid body.

Of course, when I landed, I felt shock of pains once forgotten pain run up my legs.

I relished it.

It was a sign that my stupid little rampage was taking its toll on more than those around me.

"Stupid freaking legs..." Thank you, legs. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten for the rest of my life.

As short as it is sure to be.

Getting up, I stretched, lacing my fingers, and reaching upwards, letting the fingers bend backwards. I moaned in satisfaction.

Good lord does that hurt!

I looked to my hand, and learned that I had broken a finger at some point in the last day. "Dammit..." Yes... Yes! Please, weaken me more! Soon, I won't be able to use that infernal hammer! Sure, it's not the real thing, but it _is_ quite large, and it _is_ solid brass.

I tried to flip it between broken and not broken, but suddenly, I felt a horrible pain through the rest of my fingers as they snapped in unison.

The broken one, of course, had mended.

Chuckling with annoyance, I reversed the reversal, sighing happily as I felt the one snap anew. It seems the body has decided to that some things are best not made contrary.

Waving the hand around, I watched in irritation as the finger flopped around uselessly. Good, good, that'll weaken m— _Holy mother of god!_

I tossed aside the useless finger, obviously enjoying this, contrary to what I really felt. I really freaking hate being a youkai sometimes.

No, wait, all the time.

Tapping my lip with my middle finger, what with the index finger having been discarded, blood flowing from the wound left in its wake. "Just when did I get _this_ wound?"

That should be obvious. It was obviously when she hit you with that that onbashira!

Trying to snap, and failing due to loss of something very important for the activity, I said, "Ahh, that's right, that goddess."

Yeah, that's ri— Wait _,_ did you _hear_ me?!

Doing what had become my regular activity of the morning since this damned fool picked a fight with literally everyone, I began to check myself for injuries.

Frost burns in deep gashes from the fairy, a bruise from being slapped in the face by a tail fin, my ears are still ringing from that crazy echo, my neck hurts from being strangled by another neck, I got my hand bitten for trying to pet the ferocious werewolf, my eyebrows were still missing from that immortal's suicidal charge, my skull may have been cracked from a freaking _headbutt_ , I got bitten by a freaking _princess_ , I got clawed by a jiang shi, stabbed by a magical hair pin, still feel numb from that drum, feel as if I had my intestines plucked like strings, nearly died by being suffocated by a tail I didn't quite want to cuddle so much, lost some skin from those weird cameras, nearly drowned, feel a little crispy from the sparks, wonder how I wasn't hit once by someone that _stops time_ , got bitten by snakes, very narrowly avoided being beheaded, was hammered through a wall while looking for sanctuary, was nearly suffocated again, was nearly sealed away, was rammed with a boat, was hit with onbashira, then was nearly flicked through a mountain, and to top it all off, I was hit across the face with a wok. A _wok_.

Clearly I was doing something right, much to my consternation. I _was_ alive, after all.

Then again, to me, that was all wrong. I shouldn't be doing so well against _the entire country._ They must be growing complacent.

Or what if she's just that good?

Picking back up my sack of stuff, I slung it over my shoulder, a certain parasol in my hand. I opened it, and then suddenly there was an explosion on top of me.

Thankfully the parasol had taken me a distance away. "Well, well, well, what have we here? Another customer for my growing chain of restaurants?"

An older, more matured woman turned to face me, tears in her eye. Her hair was long and brown, while she wore her bog standard ajirogasa on top of it. Her robes — and calling them that is a stretch — were white and black, oddly accentuating her already attractive curves. Most monks would abhor such an outfit, and yet she wears it as if it were nothing. "If you turn to the light now, we need not do this, Seija!"

Snorting with derision, I replied, "Shouldn't you be bald?"

Flinching visibly, much to my annoyance, the monk replied, changing the subject "Please, just turn yourself in, and we can work something out!"

Crossing my arms, I replied, "You say that, but you attacked me the moment you saw me."

Shaking her head in denial, the monk replied, "No, no, no! I wasn't attacking you!"

Sneering, I offered, "You tried to seal me, then."

flinching again, she corrected, "I attempted to _bind_ you."

Raising a brow, I asked, "What am I, a daemon?"

Shaking her head far less rapidly than before, she corrected again, "I was attempting to bind you _in place_."

Wanting to just get it over with, I asked with a sinister grin, "You weren't trying to set me free?" Wait, that actually sounds like what I want...

Taken by surprise, the monk asked, "What?"

Chuckling, the monster that I could call myself charged, the parasol lazily closed over one shoulder.

Backing off a bit, the woman shouted, holding a card aloft, "Binding Laws of Hari!" Suddenly that feeling that had become familiar by this point came into play: It felt like my heart was being tugged, as if a cord were drawn taught between it and something else, before suddenly the world around us became crystal clear, as if illuminated perfectly, yet not by any known light source. Finally, the typical barrier around us formed, sealing us away from interlopers.

As the odd wing-like slate of pure power was forming behind her, I opened the parasol, closing it around myself, and appearing right in her face. "One card, two hits!" Her eye widened. She obviously hadn't expected me to abuse the rules.

She doesn't know me too well, does she?

I reached into my bag, withdrawing my trusty, comically large hammer, and swung, but was surprised when she suddenly taught me why fighting a monk in hand-to-hand is a terrible idea: she blasted me back with a bone-shattering open palm strike.

I smashed into the wall almost as soon as I took the first hit of our duel, my ears having narrowly survived the ensuing sonic boom, mostly due to the rules being in play.

There was malice radiating from the monk as she caught the hundred pound hammer effortlessly, before she blinked in surprise. "Goodness, did I do that? I really must stop doing that!"

Spitting out a bit of blood from biting my cheek, I slowly rose, a wide, triumphant grin on my face.

The glyphic slate behind her began to tremble, before cracking and shattering. Looks like I broke her trance!

Fantastic...

Looking over her shoulder as the slate fell to pieces, the woman sighed. "...While I would call it foolish to risk your health just to break my spell, it looks like I still have room for improvement..."

Grinning wickedly, I demanded, "Now, hand over that fancy scroll of yours!"

Blinking, the woman laughed awkwardly.

Furrowing my brow, I shouted, "What's so funny?!"

Sighing, she more thought aloud than actually answered, "It seems that today is my lucky day: I'm not capable of complying, for it is not on my person, which means..." She smiled darkly. "You have used your request."

The dawning realization hit me like my hammer might crush a nut. Before I could declare anything, she declared, "One spellcard, one hit!" Once more she held the card aloft. I knew I wouldn't be taking her by surprise again. That might cost me. "You will not evade justice so easily!" The card glowed brighter than the last, mirroring her determination, as was typical. Atypical was the way her hair took on a purple gradient glow. "Eyes of Brahma!" Suddenly I felt the tell tale signs of a duel starting, again.

The slate of raw glyphic mana materialized behind her once more, as if it were a guardian angel. I knew that it would be a fool's errand to repeat the previous trick.

I _did_ hope I would try, though.

Suddenly, bladed white stars began to spin dangerously toward me, and I couldn't help but gulp. Sure, the rules still made it non-lethal, but those things were as big as my chest.

It actually wasn't as bad as I expected.

And then I was proven wrong, lasers beginning to fire from the four turrets of the 'wings'. I tried to dodge to the side, expecting them to head strait towards me, only to be surprised when they curved towards where I dodged to, as if predicting my movement. I narrowly avoided the laser, mostly due to the fact that it didn't seem to actually be seeking me out, and let out a sigh of relief, cut short by the death-stars heading strait for me. I began flying to the side, only for the lasers to scythe by my head, which likely contained the power to remove it, if not for my saving grace of the rules.

Not that I was afraid, or anything.

Once more one nearly struck me down at high speeds, this time from the rear. I noted that there was a pattern with every pulse, and yet there was no pattern _to_ that pattern.

I couldn't help but be amused by that contradiction.

I then realized the pattern behind the patternless pattern. It was in the rotation of the turrets. They had five curving magicannons each, and the turret itself was slowly rotating. If I can just figure out the trajectory, I can beat this.

Or, I could just cheat.

The moment the cannons began to fire again, I reversed the direction of the lasers, and...

There was an explosion that stunk of burnt magic. While the rules kept things with a consciousness from being destroyed in battle, the same couldn't be said for _fake wings_.

Next, just to add insult to injury, I fished out a helpful little buddy of mine, tossing it to Byakuren. The evil little doll proceeded to cling to her, and suddenly all magic in the area was drawn to her like flies to shit.

I sighed internally at winning yet again.

But, then, I hadn't landed a hit yet. As she was falling from being hit by more blades than is considered healthy, I charged up a nice big ball of magic, and I proceeded to chuck it at her.

There was a very pleasant smacking sound as it changed her trajectory, sending her careening into a sticker bush just as the barrier shattered.

She'll feel that in the morning.

Flying down, I called out, "Hey, hag, you still conscious?" There was a groan. "I order you to leave me alone for the next month!" I chuckled as I picked up my toys, heading off.

I have a good feeling about today, much to my consternation.


	2. Frozen Friend or Fiendish Foe?

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun. Mimics belong to Wizards of the Coast. The only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic and Moegi the Japanese beetle, as well as the obvious OCs I'm using. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

Yuuka: Ohh? Skipping past that which you detest for that which you enjoy?

Author: Well, I want to write more. I'm writing a story I truly wish to write so that I can get back in the swing of things. Already I wrote for the Halloween story, and I'm sure you can imagine how I detest that thing going by the length of the chapter.

Yukari: Indeed. I believe that has been your shortest chapter in over a year, if not two years.

Author: I'm just not feeling that story anymore, to be honest. It wasn't helping that I basically was forcing myself to write it.

Yuuka: You truly are a child. It's as if you are pushing aside your Brussels sprouts just to get at your meat and potatoes.

Author: It seems odd for you of all people to be making that comparison.

Yuuka: Need I remind you that I wear flowers, am composed of flowers, and even _eat_ flowers? My children are exempt, but I hardly care about something such as that.

Author: Point. I didn't exactly compose you in a way that makes you care for all plants. If I wanted to do so, I would have made you a dryad, or perhaps the most generic option: a flower youkai.

Yuuka: Me? A flower youkai? Calling me a youkai at all is up for debate.

Author: Only in my world.

Yuuka: I mean, yes, I quite like flowers, but really, a _flower youkai_? That seems like some sort of bad joke.

Author: Need I remind you that everyone of my world thinks you are one?

Yuuka: Yes, and they are imbeciles for thinking as such.

Author: ...How did we even get on this topic?

Yukari: Well, you _are_ wont to go on tangents. Still, I'm amused that you're trying to force the readers to look through the rest of your works just to find out what she is.

Author: Ohh, hush. I have to recover readership somehow. Besides, if they really want to know, it was stated in Dreams of Paradise. Better?

Yukari: Far. Still, that _is_ your longest story, and it could be _anywhere_ within its bounds. 220,000 words is no small number after all. Full books tend to be shorter than that.

Author: Yukari, I wouldn't be surprised if there were _trilogies_ shorter than that.

Yukari: I would answer that question, but I am rather limited by your own knowledge of the subject.

Author: Fourth wall, Yukari. However, I suppose I could give them a hint. I won't, but I could.

Yukari: My, how hush. I'm good the whole story through, so don't start complaining when I break such things whilst outside of the story. It's within expectations that I toy with boundaries, after all.

Author: Well, whatever. Let's just get on with the show; I'm really looking forward to what this story has to offer.

Yukari: ...Did you really just write something half the size of that teeny little thing you called a Halloween special?

Author: Eheh... I can't believe that thing took a week or two...

* * *

Author: I've realized a way to make this vaguely less confusing! ...Although, I question if that is within the scope of my desires or not. Anyways, I have decided to write as if Seija and her, shall we say, conscience, are two different people. Conscience PoV, mind you. The other way around would be extremely difficult to convey properly.

Yukari: Hardly a poor idea.

Yuuka: How odd for her.

Yukari: Indeed, it is.

Author: Ohh, hush. Anyways, let's get back to writing, shall we?

* * *

Author: Well, let's see if I can finish editing this by Newyears. I have decided it is time! My Newyears resolution shall be to finish Frozen Paradise by the end of this coming year. Shall I make it? We shall see. I'd love to finally get a start on Burning Paradise after all this time, after all. I feel my inactivity is inexcusable, but I shall right this wrong one step at a time. The first step is to try and produce at least 100,000 words in a single year. This year has been honestly pathetically piddly, and while my predicament was hardly perfect, it was hardly poor, either.

Yuuka: ...Was that necessary?

Author: I enjoyed it...

Yukari: Well, why not get back into production of penmanship?

Yuuka: Penmanship is a stretch and you know it.

Yukari: Quite.

* * *

I feel terrible about what I had recently done, meaning that Seija was outwardly humming a happy tune as she kicked her legs in the icy waters of the lake after a long day of staying low, most of which was paradoxically done out in the open. I really hope that she can get out of that bush just fine. That was cruel even for my worse half.

Seija leaned forward as a concerningly large chunk of ice narrowly missing her head. A childish voice cried out in anger, "I thought I told you never to come back! You not only hurt Waki, but you nearly freaking _crushed Usa_ with that stupid giant hammer!"

Looking to her lazily, Seija replied, "I think I remember the penalty for breaking the spell card rules to be death." That was a lie, and she told it with a bold, confident face. I knew that she must be forcing her face to be like that. Honestly, that was a poor lie, what with what fairies are known for.

Crossing her tiny arms over her chest, the young girl gave me a look of loathing unbefitting of such a face. "What are you, stupid or something? Now I feel bad for being mad at you. Let me spell it out for you, then: fairies are immortal. Iiimoooortaaal." Her six ice crystal wings were humming gently, showcasing just how angry she was. Or, at least, it'd make sense, if that's how it works. I honestly have no idea how fae work.

Seija smiled just slightly at the insult, pushing herself up from the waters. Irritated now. She forced herself not to act contrary to how she felt, and instead of trembling, she gave Cirno a deadly glare. "You wanna say that to my face, pipsqueak?" It was true; she was over a head shorter than ourselves.

Flying a foot into the air, the fairy replied, "You don't seem so tall from up here. Besides, I'm tall for what I am. _You're_ the one that's short. Aren't the bad guys supposed to be tall and handsome?"

Seija coughed. "Marisa is hardly tall."

The seraph-of-sorts smirked. "I guess you have a point there." Grinning as if she knew something I didn't, she added, "Especially these days."

Furrowing her brow in confusion, Seija asked, "What's that supposed to mean? She seemed like the same height as always."

The girl in blue chuckled. "How could I forget?" Changing the subject, and possibly remembering that she should be angry, she ground out, "Now, leave this place."

Seija forced a cocky grin. "Ohh, scary. You and what army?"

Stroking her chin, Cirno replied, "Well, I don't really have an _army_ on hand, so I can't really give you that." As Seija was about to mock the girl, Cirno cut her off. "But I _do_ have one shy of a small platoon."

"Ohh, well, you won't stand a chance until— Wait, you _do_?" Since when did she know what a platoon _was_ , let alone the _size_? She's not exactly the smartest fairy.

Sticking her fingers in her mouth, the weakling whistled, and I soon learned that she really _did_ have a platoon. Well, almost, anyways, judging by what she said.

I mean, what kind of person _knows_ these things?

Fourteen strong, the not-platoon formed up with a shocking degree of coordination, which goes double for fairies. As I considered if this were a dream, I noticed something very concerning about these fairies.

They _weren't_ fairies.

The eyes of every last one of them were sunken, the whites of which being black as pitch, while their pupils were glowing red in contrast to the blues of their irises. The teeth were worse. Each of them had jagged teeth made of ice, obviously meant for inflicting grievous wounds. And let's not forget the claws of ice. I mean, all these features wouldn't be surprising on a youkai, or even be all that abnormal for a particularly nasty yuki-onna, but on fae? Fae are embodiments of the elements, and these fae obviously embodied winter's bite.

All in all, I was impressed. Impressed that she was capable of leading them.

Sure, they were still just fae, but one has to work with what they have.

Looking to me with a toothy grin, Cirno said, " _I_ don't _have_ to attack you. I just have to give the order and they'll do it for me."

Growling with amusement, Seija frowned. "Is that the best you've got? A pack of pixies? You're gonna need a lot more than that to take _me_ down."

Grinning with her typical bluster, Cirno puffed herself up. "Well, if you ignore myself." If to make herself feel bigger or to show pride in her abilities, I wasn't sure. Perhaps both.

Seija frowned, contrary to the mirth she felt. "You mean the fairy I knocked out with ease?"

Her cocky grin took on a sinister edge. "Ohh, and that's where you're wrong."

Seija laughed in confusion. "You seemed pretty unconscious to me."

Cirno laughed along. "First off, all you did was break my body to the point that I had to fix it." Grinning widely, a sword slammed into the ground at the feet of each of her pride. Her 'troops' pulled them from the ground, holding them in a tight single-handed grip. Which says something, what with the swords being almost as tall as they are. "But more importantly, who said I'm a fairy? Do remember what my men are." She reached for her eyes, seemingly pulling them out, only for me to learn that what she pulled out were simply caps of ice, hiding that her eyes were just like those of the others, if considerably less gaunt. "Hows about we play a little game? If my men can't take you out, I'll leave you be, even with that past..." She paused a moment to think. "Transgression."

...Well, that's... unexpected. "And if I lose?"

Chuckling, the leader of the pack replied, "Well, then I'd feed you to Rumia. I'm sure she'd appreciate the meal, even as bitter as you'd probably be. If you're lucky, she'd even be nice enough to spare your bones."

"What, outside the spell card rules?"

The head honcho grinned. "Yeah, pre-"

"I'm in."

She blinked in surprise, taken aback. "...Well, that was easy."

Even _I_ was starting to grow tired of spellcards. An actual battle against possibly trained warriors, as laughable a thought as fae-trained soldiers sounds, would be a welcome change.

Grinning widely as many splashes came from behind me, the blue-haired girl asked, "Any last words?"

Seija swiftly tugged the parasol from her sack with practiced ease before she teleported out of the way of a surprising lack of offensive activity, appearing off behind a tree. Seems the surprise attacks have made her a bit jumpy.

Cirno looked left and she looked right, furrowing her brow in irritation after that small bit of searching. "What, you ran like a coward _already_? That's so... _boring_." As she spoke, shields began to pound into the ground around the gaggle, of whom began picking them up and readying themselves. "...Can't say I blame you, though. Their weapons are sharp and their armors thick. They must have..." She thought a moment. "...Intimidated you." She looked around. "Yeah, that's what I thought!" She waited for a response. "...Chicken!"

Deciding that she had let her blow steam enough, Seija stepped out. "You call it whatever you want, but it wasn't running."

A look of glee flashed across the young girl's face. "You're back!" Clearing her throat, she put back on her serious expression. "Where the heck did you go?"

I couldn't help but smile internally at the display.

"I dodged."

"...You dodged."

Seija shook her head.

She rose a brow. "You didn't dodge?"

"I dodged, idiot."

The girl in blue looked to where Seija had been standing previously. She eyed the ground, the air, and the sky. "But nobody attacked you." Seija was silent in response. Staring at me for a long moment, Cirno began to snicker. "Don't tell me you thought I was about to attack, did you?"

Shouting without thinking, Seija answered, "Yes!" Twitching, she quickly corrected, "I mean, no!"

Between snickers, Cirno asked, "Is someone getting jumpy?"

Tears began to run down Seija's cheeks. "Shut up!"

Blinking, Cirno asked, "Are you... _crying_?"

Wiping her eyes, Seija shouted, "No!"

"All those people bearing down on you must have taken its toll."

"Shut up! I'm not crying!"

Eyeing Seija up and down, the fae eventually admitted, "...You know, I was once in your shoes. I know how it can be."

"Shut u—!" She paused a moment to digest this. "...Wait, what did y—?" Eyes widening as she acted on instinct, Seija quickly dived through the parasol just as the fae all raised their shields to block an incoming volley of unbound danmaku, humming with copious amounts of magic.

When Seija reappeared, she looked to the odd lack of the sounds of magical explosions, learning that the colorful orbs of death had been stopped in their tracks. They had practically been turned into floating ice sculptures. Highly unstable, and minorly _explosive_ ice sculptures, if the glow within the ice was any indication. Honestly, I was impressed, even if Seija would never admit that. With a snarl, Cirno flung the hulking chunk of frozen danmaku at her assailant, which turned out to be the dead prince, otherwise known as Toyosatomimi no Miko.

Or, for people who want to save their tongue the exercise, Miko.

"Whoa, took you long enough to find me, Daimimi!" Naturally, Seija calls her something far less respectful.

Miko had a cocky, know-it-all smirk on her face and a glint in her eye, and it made even _me_ want to kick her. "Your crimes have gone on too long. _F_ _ar_ too long, indeed! If you won't accept your fate as a youkai and meet the yama, than I shall judge you in her place!" She also had a flare for theatrics.

An icy sword materialized in Cirno's hand. "Hey, hey, hey! She's _mine_ to kill!"

Miko eyed the fae of the lake, narrowing her eyes. "Be gone, dark ones. You will recieve your just rewards for your deeds when it is time, and not a moment sooner."

Cirno's eye narrowed in return, and she took a fighting stance. "Men, change of plans. We're teaming up with Seija to... stave off this intruder."

Seija's eyes narrowed in surprise. "Wait, wha-"

"And _then_ , and _only_ then, we're kicking _Seija's_ bottom." This earned her odd looks from all those present, although the fae quickly followed orders after that moment had passed, going into formation.

Miko pointed her sword at the fae, drawing a card. "The retainers shall never supplant the lord, and so too shall fae never be a match for the prince of Gensoukyou! Guard yourself, youkai, for today you face the child of _God_!"

Cirno grinned dangerously, the temperature drastically dropping as she too drew a card. "Even in the face of a yama, I didn't falter. What makes you think that a simple _hermit_ would scare me off? I've faced foes more terrible than you, and even then, I died like a man. I've made up my mind, and I'm throwing my lot in with the amanojaku."

Seija looked between the two of them, and she forced a smirk on her her face. "Fine, we'll have it your way! All of us against you!"

As one, Cirno and Miko shouted, "Spell Card Duel Initiate!"

Seija wasn't having any of that, and in the moment that the barrier began to form, she hopped through the parasol, leaving dumbfounded fae and an angry hermit who knew that she had been played like a fiddle.

Seija watched as the barrier around the two sides completed, and laughed as she flew off into the forest.


End file.
